So for anybody that is interested, I’ll give you a quick recap/introduction. I am a mental health campaigner and blogger,socially campaigning to rid disparity between the treatment of mental and physical conditions, as well as opening up discussions to rid stigma against mental illness. It’s something I’m mega proud of, it feels wonderful to be able to offer support to others going through similar experiences and even better to change negative preconceptions that others may of had and turn it into a new positive viewpoint. After all, we all have a mental health and discussing our experiences can rid so much isolation.
On a personal level I had graduated, got stuck into my new job, started planning my wedding and was working really had at just being kinder to myself, taking a break from blogging and finding time for self care. Unfortunately since then my relationship broke down and I had to learn how to be alone again, how to be independent and how to focus solely on myself. It’s such a painful process to go through, to go from thinking about your future as one half of the best team, to the realisation now you are the full team. Someone recently said to me that a relationship becomes habit, you fall into routines with your partner and during a breakup not only do you mourn the loss of that relationship, but you also have to break those habits. I had nine years worth of habits to break and if I’m honest, that was very daunting but I also knew I could do it.
Now, anyone else with mental health problems may relate to this, I’m not sure, but during turbulent times I sometimes find it difficult to read a situation. I get stuck between understanding if there is a genuine problem and atmosphere, or if these worries are a manifestation of my anxiety and I do it all the time. Examples being
- Is my friend annoyed with me or is she just busy?
- Have I offended her by saying or doing something wrong, or is she just having an off day ?
- Is there an atmosphere between us here, is he getting annoyed or is it all in my head?
- Am I being too quiet and making things awkward or am I just overthinking?
WHY DO I OVERTHINK EVERYTHING. My point being, as soon as the breakup happened, I realised that I wasn’t getting ill again, I wasn’t imagining things and I wasn’t overthinking
(for once). I felt validated and wished I’d have been kinder to myself. I wasn’t heading for relapse, I was living life and sometimes life can be cruel.
One thing that has shocked me is how many people go through a breakup and what a huge impact that has on their mental health. So many people have reached out this last few months with kind words, a joke or two and a story about how a breakup affected them. It’s something we all go through and I’m sorry to be cliché but ‘you grow through what you go through‘. I have had countless messages, some with advice, some offering a friendly ear and others that have made me laugh again for the first time in ages. All of them however understood, as they had been through a breakup too. It can be devastating and make you feel so isolated, even lost at times but it can also be an opportunity for you to live your life for you! Now my turn to pass on some break up advice,
- Decide what you are willing to accept, if the break up has been less than amicable ask yourself, do you deserve better than this?
- Don’t use alcohol to drown your sorrows. A big girls night can be fab but drinking gin every night will act as a depressant and your head will not thank you
- Don’t stalk them on social media. Be kind to yourself and move on. Don’t go through their Instagram or twitter feed. Nothing good comes from it
- Look after yourself, that means better meals than just Nutella on toast and plenty of rest. Self care is so important so sleep and eat well, drinking plenty of water wont hurt either
- Surround yourself with supportive, lovely people. Let your friends in, allow that lovely guy to make you laugh, hug your parents. Let people show you just how wonderful the world can be in these darker times where everything seems negative. Let people make you laugh
- Go to your doctor – If you are struggling more long term with low mood or motivation, maybe seek medical advice to ensure you don’t need any medical support
Above everything else please be kind to yourself and remember that cliché ‘time is a healer’. Its normal for your mental health to take a knock during a breakup and I know I for one felt very low and lonely at times. I’m sure I’ll have my bad days still, but I know my worth and I’m surrounded by brilliant people who show me the beauty in the world. I’m rebuilding myself brick by brick and trying to remind myself how much I have to offer. With my medication, wonderful support network and weird sense of humour I’ll get through this and to anybody in the same position – you will too. Remind yourself that you deserve honesty, respect and to be loved. Nothing less. Remind yourself of those moments in life where laughter and happiness take over and learn to love life again.
Remember, you’re not alone and its okay to talk!